How people react.

How people react.

Once again the other day, I was talking to people (as I tend to)….. and was struck by how often others took an emotion and turned the blame on how they feel squarely on other people.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the people mentioned didn’t make the person feel that way – But it just reminded me how far I’ve come on my own journey’s through life, and how differently I tend to view things like that.

If you asked me to say it in one sentence it would be: “It’s not about having those feelings, but how we deal with those feelings that is important.”

In this instance I was struck at how a couple of the people talking were so angry or upset at the way others made them feel. To the point you could feel it wasn’t doing their personal balance any good at all.

Anthony de Mello is someone who, like other’s who practised spirituality, has come up with some very good words of wisdom that I think are relevant to what was being said. Here are just a few of my favourites.

“We see people and things not as they are, but as we are.”

“Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, But I do not cling.”

“Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.”

The love I always try and talk about is unconditional, but the problem with that is the way many of us have been taught to express love is with conditions attached.
Again, how often has someone said “I love you, but..... *insert whatever might be given next here* Go on, be honest, how many times have you said or thought something similar?

So already, by putting those conditions on how you should love someone, we are taking the emotion and making it impossible for someone to fulfil them without the major risk of them letting you down in some way, rather than just accepting their love for what it is - Love.
When you are already condemning someone because of their own flaws, we are without a doubt condemning ourselves by not recognizing our own faults.

If however, someone can turn around and say, “sorry I didn’t know I or it made you feel that way, it isn’t how it was intended.” Then it is an entirely different scenario and why not accept an apology? Why then perhaps question it afterwards? Again, you are putting conditions on things that you don't have to. Just accept it for what it is - An apology. Why make it more complicated?

Over many thousands of years, its been accepted that while it is in our nature (with the odd exception) to love, its very difficult for most people to love unconditionally, because of distorted experiences or judgemental people who might have been around us from the very beginning, and this causes pain. Suffering though isn’t caused by others who do not love us, but because all too often we cannot just love others for who they are, regardless.
Once we stop judging people and so stop trying to control their feelings, we'll be able to see the good they have to offer and we'll be able to return that love.